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Scrapbook: Apostasy

Scrapbook: Apostasy

It begins with a crack.

A stone thrown in your own glass house, the basis of your belief. Now fractured, everything you’ve ever believed in becomes vulnerable to other forces.

Voices. Friends. Enemies. Doubt.

The cracks continue to split, moving further across your walls, threatening to shatter all around you. What’s worse is the anticipation of the pain you’ll feel once the shards of glass begin to rain down on you and everything you had faith in.

Love. Happiness. Peace. Balance.

Gone. Once broken, it’s all gone. You’re on your knees as the last of what’s left of your faith disintegrates around you. The pain you feel exceeds the physical wounds you’ve endured; it’s the spiritual self-harm you subconsciously inflict upon yourself that torments you.

 

You shouldn’t feel this way. You shouldn’t stray too far away from the right path. You shouldn’t think this way. You shouldn’t EVER doubt. Never.

Yet, you do; and regardless, you get up and witness the battlefield we currently live in. We’re all either immoral or behaving naturally. Now, with nothing to protect you, you look for shelter.

Something. Someone. AnythingAnyone.

Nothing. No one.

Only a small, safe haven you see up ahead. A temple; its doors wide open, welcoming any and everyone worthy. As you step forward, you stop. You take a step back and hesitate.

“Am I worthy?”

One look at your hands, and the filth covering your hands answers you. One look into a piece of broken glass, and the coarse, bruised, scarred, and bloody reflection of your face reaffirm it. You close your eyes for a moment and the tainted reflection of your soul, filled with regrettable decisions and selfish desires, help you decide your next course of action.

Leave.

Once again with open eyes, you take one last look at what you see as salvation before you turn away because you feel unworthy. The memories of your previous haven, a delicate and fragile one, flood your mind with the knowledge that it was merely a facade to believe that you were innocent, pure, and free from sin.

“How can you believe in a God if you don’t believe in yourself?”

As you gaze upon the chaotic wasteland that lies in front of you, you accept your flaws and imperfections, both physical and spiritual. Amidst the violence, you find solace in your loneliness, as no one else can handle the turbulent emotional journey you’re enduring.

 

The thought of backtracking also resides deep in your mind, resulting in conflicting desires and inevitable regret. It also doesn’t help that you constantly ask yourself,

“Did I make the right decision?”

 

 

 

 


.illusive. x Nicole Zalba (@nzalbamarie)

Shot & Edited: Nicole Zalba Photography (@n.m.z.photography)

Master of Photographic Props: Manal Rahim (@manny.arr)

Originally posted on my old blog about a year ago. Still remains one of my most personally relevant pieces I've written.

gold. collection ii

gold. collection ii

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